I had no idea this billboard would go over so well! Many of you enjoyed my “letter” to Steven and thank you for your support. So here's the latest… I've changed the locks on our house. Steven's been by once and called a bunch of times. I don't know if he's more angry about what the billboard says or what the billboard costs. I mean, the joint bank account was his idea. And let's just say he's not too happy about “our” expenditures this quarter. He should have thought about that before he deposited his principal into my best friend's money market. But numbers bore me.

I've had a busy day. I began the heart-breaking process of clearing Steven's crap out of the house. It's not what you think. His belongings will not be stuffed into the garage. I will take meticulous care with his valued goods. Starting with his extensive wine collection. His pride and joy. His baby. I remember when we were looking at houses and how this one was the “one” because it had room for a wine cellar. He had the racks custom-made and filled them up with countless bottles. Some nights, I found him sitting down there listening to his jazz with a glass of his favorite vintage. Kinda spooky, actually.

Steven's always been big into charities. For me, there's something about charity that scares me. But I do like to give. So I drove around the neighborhood and personally donated a bottle of wine to all the hard-working landscapers. The smiles on their faces were priceless! It felt so good to just give. Oh and, Steven-honey? That Chateau La Mondotte Saint-Emilion that you've been saving for just the right moment - well that moment finally arrived! We may not be able to write this off, but can't you feel the goodness manifest in your heart. I'll be curious if they can tell the difference between the Henschke and the Bettenelli Cabernet Sauvignon. I couldn't. I think it's because I have, what Steven likes to refer to as, an “unsophisticated palette.”

Oh, and I’m going to hit the streets tomorrow to personally tell the world about the dirty, sneaky immoral, unfaithful, poorly-endowed slimeball!