For shits and giggles, today I tried out Steven’s password for remote access to his work email. I couldn’t believe it: the moron didn’t change his password, even after the fantasy baseball sabotage!

Now, I usually hate getting email blasts, but I felt it was time for Steven to reach out to his contact list. Let them know about what was going on in his personal life. After all, a solid support structure means a stable life. At least I didn’t send attached pictures of kittens sleeping next to dogs, a stupid chain email (actually, it would be great if they all passed it on to ten friends), or a link to save the monarch butterflies.

What did I do? I sent a simple little email to everyone in his contact list, business and personal:

Hi all,

I have gonorrhea. Just an FYI.

-Steven

President, Small Dicks Club